I'm Sorry But....

Is it just me or is the art of apologizing a lost art? Before Passover, I read a fascinating article on how people seemingly don't know how to apologize (I would link you to the article if I knew where it was located). I have also had some interesting personal conversations concerning this topic.

Apologizing is a part of several sad love songs; ever listen to "Hard for Me To Say I'm Sorry" or "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word"? (bonus points if you know who sings these songs). As we get older, we come up with more excuses and rationalizations for our actions and it just seems easier to preface an apology with these following statements "I wasn't feeling well", "I was cranky/tired/grouchy/angry/" or some variation of the above statement. My favorite is when people utter a non-apology "I'm sorry that what I said made you feel bad", or when you tell someone that something they said made you feel uncomfortable and the response is "I accept that".

Looking back, I know I've been guilty of saying more than a few non-apologies to family, friends, co-workers. Why is it so hard to simply say "I'm sorry"? That question is pretty simple, you humble yourself when you apologize, you admit that you messed up and surprise, you are not perfect.

The process of teshuva provides some great answers. You first have to admit that you messed up; if you're not genuinely sorry for what you did then you can't move on. Afterwards, you need to convey that message across to the injured party/parties. The next step is the most important work of all, do some self-introspection and think of ways you can handle the situation better next time. For example, let's say you lost your temper with a friend, think of ways you can avoid the situation; maybe avoid talking about the topic that angered you in the first place, counting to 10, taking a walk when you feel the first tinge of anger. The real test comes when you are in the same situation again and you act in a better way.

This is my challenge: next time you are in a situation when you do something that offends someone, apologize sincerely. Leave your excuses behind, just simply say "I'm sorry". Let's re-learn the art of apologizing : )